Steph's Suitcase

What's going on in Steph's life and her random musings... for anyone who gives a monkey.

Friday, May 24, 2002

Scary thoughts are coming... I am having heart surgery on Wednesday. It's not really surgery, but I don't know what to call it. A wire is going to be inserted into a vein in my leg and it will go to my heart. Then it was heat up the area with the extra muscle and cause a scar that will hopefully stop my episodes. I found out that if I get them when I'm asleep and I don't wake up, I could die. The procedure is scary, too. I cried yesterday and almost cried today about it. There's risks of poking a hole in the heart, having a lung or 2 collapse, needing a transfusion, having it not work, getting a pacemaker, and lots of other scary stuff. It's all rare, but it still scares me. I have this feeling of dread, like I'm going to die. I had wished for death a couple months ago, but now I don't want to die because I have found Neal. I want to live and get to know him better, because we talk to easily with each other! I'm shaking from fear now. If you never hear from me again, assume I'm dead.


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