Well, today I feel like a big jerkface. Neal came over today but he was over an hour late (and didn't call to let me know) and I guess that bothered me because I wasn't as happy to see him as I normally would be. Also, it was hot today so I didn't really feel like doing anything like hugging Neal. I told him I had grand plans, but I didn't do any of them and it makes me feel hypocritical. I even wrote a poem about it. John is helping me think through this, since it doesn't make sense. Basically I feel like Neal expects more out of me than I can deliver at this time, and so I feel like I need to deliver what he expects or he won't like me anymore. I know it's ridiculous, but I can't help it. John made me promise that I'll talk to Neal about this when he comes on. There's no reason why I should feel obligated to give Neal anything, especially if I'm not ready for it. Unfortunately Neal's not on right now, which is highly unusual since he usually gets on around 9:30 or so. John is helping me gather my thoughts by role-playing. He’s Neal and I’m me. Then Neal finally came on and when I started talking to him about this he changed the subject! I also need to bring up sex, because I need to know if he expects me to have it with him sometime soon. He seemed like he wants it but I'm not ready.

Work was boring today. Sarah drew me a picture of pirate me being shirtless and saying, “Arr, I’ve lost me shirt. Arr.” My dad was asking questions about Neal and his family so he has ammo for tomorrow when we go bowling with Neal and he meets him. I told my dad that Neal’s dad makes birdcages and my dad said it sounds like his family is in the mafia and that the birdcages are just a cover. Tomorrow should be fun. Oh, and while Neal was over and we watched Shanghai Noon, the phone kept ringing and my family kept knocking on my door like they're checking in on me. That was annoying and made me crabby. I've seen 3 movies today- Memento (where I had an insight to the answers), Shanghai Noon, and then Amelie (where there was a guy who used to collect funny laughs and Sarah said, "Steph, he'd love you!").

Song of the day ~ Krwlng by Linkin Park