Steph's Suitcase

What's going on in Steph's life and her random musings... for anyone who gives a monkey.

Wednesday, August 28, 2002

Went to go buy tickets to the Reducers, which is a reduced Shakespeare company. It will condense all his works into one. It took awhile because for some reason the card machine was being stupid so it didn't like my card. Oh, and before that I washed my clothes but I was stupid and missed 4 important items, so I'm going to see if Neal will wash them for me. And before that I was spit on by some guy, which sucked but he just aimed really badly. Lots of things before that.

Oh, I was sitting in my room waiting for Neal to tell me he was coming to my room for lunch but he just randomly logged off. I figured he was coming but after a few minutes he didn't show up and I had to pee so I went to the bathroom. I came back and waited and waited until FINALLY Neal came back online and asked where I was! Since I didn't answer the knock he thought I already went and so he went without me! I was sooooooooo devastated that I actually started crying. He didn't leave a message or anything, so I didn't know he stopped by or where he was. Well, I quickly ate then went to his room where I was sad. I only had about 20 minutes to spend with him, so that wasn't cool either and Neal didn't realize how upset I was. I was surprised myself by how upset I got. Yeah, so it's that time of the month but normally that doesn't affect me and it's soooooo hard to make me cry. I know Neal sometimes changes his mind and stuff so I should have been able to take it better like I have when he's backed out of things before, but for some reason I couldn't. I still can't get over the fact that I cried. If I can't handle a misunderstanding, how am I ever going to handle if we ever break up or if he gets hurt in some way? I mean, I don't think we're going to break up (although now my mom keeps talking about it) and I don't want Neal to not break up with me (if he wants to) just because he wouldn't want to hurt me. I'd feel bad that I'd be forcing him into the relationship. It's a predicament that I hope never comes up.

Oh, and when I was in Neal's room he gave me the scary eyes, but it wasn't the scary eyes I've been talking about before. These were THE scary eyes. I can't believe I haven't mentioned them before. The scary eyes is the look a guy gives you when he really likes you a lot. I used to think they were wide and penetrating, because I was given that look once by a male who liked me a lot, but after seeing Neal's eyes I know that isn't THE scary eyes. Those eyes were scary, but they weren't THE scary eyes. Neal gave me THE scary eyes. It was like he was looking into my soul and I swear his eyes looked full of love because it was the kindest look on his face I've ever seen and it was because of his eyes. I wish I had stared and memorized the look, but it's fading. All I remember was being shocked at seeing THE scary eyes, which weren't scary at all. If you want more information on THE scary eyes, watch the episode of Boy Meets World where Cory is transported back to the 50s and he gives Topanga THE scary eyes.


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