Steph's Suitcase

What's going on in Steph's life and her random musings... for anyone who gives a monkey.

Friday, May 31, 2002

I survived, but barely. I was awake for half the procedure because they didn't believe me that liquid anesthesia doesn't work and that I need gas. I kept sobbing because I could feel and hear them do everything. When I dozed off the couple of times, I had 2 dreams repeatedly.

Dream 1: I was walking down the hallway at school where my locker is. It was very dark and empty, and 3 figures were standing at the far end.

Dream 2: I was in Africa hiding in a bush watching a giraffe.

At least my heart is fixed now and I no longer have Wolff-Parkinson-White Syndrome. Now I'm a normal girl! I wasn't before, because I had 5 extra neural pathways through my heart... Talk about crazy.

Wednesday, May 29, 2002

It was canceled for today, so the procedure is at 1:30 tomorrow. I'll be staying overnight, my first time ever. Wish me luck everybody!

Tuesday, May 28, 2002

Well, tomorrow is it. I'm feeling much better about the whole thing, especially since I have people's support. I got a couple cards wishing me well, which is nice. Today was my last day at school for forever (not counting graduation). WOO!!!! I was confused about Neal since during physics he seems kinda cold, but then he sent me this email last night that was long and way nice! I don't know what to make of it, but I'm going to stick with it because otherwise I lose a great friend. We're probably going to do something next week, which will be fun! Yay!

Sunday, May 26, 2002

I'm still scared about Wednesday. Today I had a picnic with some family friends. It was fun. Lauren called me before I left to see if I wanted to go bowling and I snapped at her. I felt bad about it, but I've just been so stressed out lately that I am not stable.

Friday, May 24, 2002

Scary thoughts are coming... I am having heart surgery on Wednesday. It's not really surgery, but I don't know what to call it. A wire is going to be inserted into a vein in my leg and it will go to my heart. Then it was heat up the area with the extra muscle and cause a scar that will hopefully stop my episodes. I found out that if I get them when I'm asleep and I don't wake up, I could die. The procedure is scary, too. I cried yesterday and almost cried today about it. There's risks of poking a hole in the heart, having a lung or 2 collapse, needing a transfusion, having it not work, getting a pacemaker, and lots of other scary stuff. It's all rare, but it still scares me. I have this feeling of dread, like I'm going to die. I had wished for death a couple months ago, but now I don't want to die because I have found Neal. I want to live and get to know him better, because we talk to easily with each other! I'm shaking from fear now. If you never hear from me again, assume I'm dead.

Wednesday, May 22, 2002

Lalalala... I called Neal to see if he wanted to join us at the Rainforest Cafe and I got his mom. He's at work right now! I told her to have him call me back... I was going to try my last ditch effort today, but I didn't get a good chance since Brett was around again.

I finally finished my robot and it got through the maze! It's batteries were almost dead, so it moved at an impossibly slow pace while all the other robots zoomed by. However, I was either the second or the third to finish the maze out of 9! I even beat Phil at building the robot, and he started before everyone else! I find that highly ironic. I guess I'm just a quicky! Anyway, as everyone has agreed today, slow and steady wins the race. Poor Craig had some problems with his wheel, and Lauren's engines don't quite work and the soldering may be a little bad so I'm hoping it works out for her. They're due Friday.

My robot is so cool! I used nailpolish to paint half of it shades of green with a blue eye, and the other half shades of blue with a green eye. In the middle I have a mouth and teeth coming out of it. I'm planning on using the sensors to create flames. It's my Unlucky Water Dragon, so that's what it looks like. It was so funny to see a fierce looking robot moving along at a wussy speed.

After school I walked a bit ahead of Neal and didn't wait for him in case he wanted to talk to the girl, and partly to see if he would catch up to talk to me. He didn't, and I'm way sad. Sometimes it makes me cry. Yeah, I'm pathethic, but I've never felt like this before.

Tuesday, May 21, 2002

I'm all bummed and sad... I can tell that Neal is trying not to get too involved with me because he didn't really talk to me much today, like he was pulling away. It makes me sad! Who says we can't try to make it work during college? I would have liked to at least try to make it work. I don't think the cap has to be there. I wish he'd change his mind.

Well, I talked to Neal about what's going on... I told him that I like him and he said he figured that. I believe he likes me, and I asked if he had a girlfriend and he said no. He told me that he didn't want to be in a relationship right now because of college, but we could still hang out. I mentioned how there's summer... I hope he changes his mind, because we like each other. I'll keep you all posted...

Monday, May 20, 2002

I don't think Neal and I are dating... We were walking together after school, talking, and when my robot box broke open and all the pieces spilled out he looked back but kept walking and didn't stop to help pick them up. That hurt.

Later I was soldering the parts and I accidentely soldered the wrong part to the wrong hole, so when I tried to fix it I ended up burning myself 4 times. One of them was on the soldering iron, and now my finger is swollen where I burned it and it's blistered a bit. Today has been a horrible day, especially since Prinke was being a jerk again and Jessa was being sad.

Sunday, May 19, 2002

I went to a movie with Neal today. I still haven't really figured out if we're going out, but he paid for my ticket. I'm wondering what tomorrow will be like now. Hmmmmm.

"My nipple-sense is tingling! My nipple-sense is tingling!"

"I have the ticklies!"

Thursday, May 16, 2002

Today I finally got enough courage to ask out "My Neal." It was great because he said he'd check his schedule and he's going to tell me tomorrow. Things are a little strange between us right now, but I'm so excited!! I couldn't stop smiling yesterday and all day today I've been feeling a tickle inside of me. I've never had it before, so it's really weird. I wish I knew what it meant, other than it happens when I think about him. I was hoping he'd call me yesterday, but only John did. I can't walk with him after school today since I have a doctor's appointment at 3:00 and I'm leaving at 2:30. I'm gonna write him a note. :)

Wednesday, May 15, 2002

Busy busy busy!!! I'm updating this at school right now... Yesterday I got the new Weezer album, Maladriot!!! Each of the CDs has a different number on the back so they are all unique! It's sweet!

"And my mom said I might have underdeveloped heart and lungs and that means that I'm not...done." ~Me to Sarah when recounting the new revelation of my heart condition

My new word of the day: Man-browed: having hair growing between the eyebrows. i.e. It's unlucky to meet someone who is man-browed.

Hopefully I'll be able to update more... not today because I won't be home til after 6:30. Tomorrow's a good day. I have so much to do, I'll going nuts! Yesterday I had the physics AP and it wasn't fun. The class was fun because we didn't do anything. For the next 2 weeks wer are going to make robots. I've cut myself twice on the parts so far... I'm behind and I suck.